"people shouldn’t take nudes if they don’t want them leak-"
*steals your phone*
"what the fuck? give me back my phone!"
WELL YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE BOUGHT A PHONE IF YOU DIDN’T WANT IT STOLEN
people who type lol when theyre mad are the people you have to watch out for theyll fucking stab you in the back in a dark alley and steal your wallet whispering “lol” all passive aggressively into your ear. same goes for “lmao”. Watch out
*never works out again*
if your boyfriend is your best friend, you’re doing it right.
if your boyfriend is your only friend, you’re doing it wrong.
manager: sir your resume just says “good looking and talented”
me: am I lying though?
manager: …youre right, Im sorry youre hired
When are they going to write a love song about PIZZA.
My anaconda will take whatever it can get at this point
when i was new to the UK, somebody asked me if i had rubber and i gave them a condom because i didnt know they meant eraser